Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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