She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
