Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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