then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
