Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
