My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
