He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
