I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
