youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
