operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
