I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
