I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she smelled like a LAN party
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
