Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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