so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
