All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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