she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
