I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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