Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
