Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
