I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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