i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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