I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
