there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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