I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
