The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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