I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
