can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Girls should come with a carfax report
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
