i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
