I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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