he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
