have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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