Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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