More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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