y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
