Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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