I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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