Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
