i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
