he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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