Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
