I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
