I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
