Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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