Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
