y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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