absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
