fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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