hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
