Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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