I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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