Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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