Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
