i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
