So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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