so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
