omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
