Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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