I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
